1. i need to go to therapy.
2. i run away from vulnerability or any space that makes me feel uncomfortable especially in romance. i haven’t yet figured out if that’s because i’m still trying to learn about myself. every day is a new mystery about self that i’m uncovering. feels difficult to share that with someone steadily when your mind is always everywhere.
3. my mother is my biggest inspiration
4. i am a light
5. i need to learn how to better redirect my energy when shit gets dark
6. i need to cultivate a true creative outlet
7. my hand lends itself in many pots but it’s giving master of none (tbh)
8. i’ve allowed dancing, music, and fun to be my engine and also my vice
9. that is problematic
10. i need to go outside more often
11. i am going to break my cycle of running away from vulnerability
12. i need to learn how to slow down and better focus on myself
13. i want to break these walls down and allow someone to get to know me fully. and get to know me fully.
14. these walls cannot come with me into 2021
15. the theme of this upcoming year is “release”
16. 2020 has been preparatory for this
17. i need to take my purpose more seriously
18. i need to stop being so hard on myself but truly acknowledge my areas of improvement and IMPROVE UPON THEM.
19. i need to breathe and slow tf down
20. i need to become more organized
21. i’m such a good listener because i’d rather listen to and hear about the life of someone else
22. maybe to take the energy off of me? so i don’t have to process things and continue to live on autopilot? maybe.
23. sometimes this feels like a form of escapism (tbh)
24. i want to be my best
25. and i will be
26. i will retire my mom before she does herself. i have to. i’m marking my own words. i have to be the best for her (((yes myself too)))
27. but really it feels like i owe everything to my mother. a human here on earth that God truly blessed me with.
28. thank you.
29. my creativity is limitless,
30. but i don’t channel it properly
31. i’m tired of running
32. include God in every single last thing i do AND think about. if i feel like i don’t know how, pray about it.
33. i’ve got a lot of work to do and this process is maddening but somehow kind of beautiful.
34. Tuck had beautiful realizations too. my bro is growing and it’s so beautiful. i truly love and care for him.
36. thank you Father God.
37. we are all growing and evolving
38. this is apart of my process and it’s okay
39. all niggas should go to therapy
40. Use wisdom, Osa.
this shit was extremely heavy yet cathartic. im glad i was able to work through it. Jordan is the best. he really helped me process this.
** meditating on these scriptures: Jeremiah 29:11, Colossians 3:2, Colossians 3:23, Psalms 28:7, Philippians 4:6, James 1:2-4, Luke 21:19, Matthew 6:33-34, Exodus 14:14, Proverbs 3:4-6 **
is there anything you’re running away from? think about it.