It’s 2:56 a.m.
I have so much damn love to give. To myself, and I do everyday. To other people…friends, family, the grocery clerk, the salesperson. To everyone. Anyone. I’ve become overwhelmed with love for myself that it’s nearly impossible to keep it all to and for myself.
One of my superpowers is making people feel seen, heard, and important. Since getting to this point of self love, my goal has been to always be the human I needed around when I was a child, and I’ve noticed that most adults need this as well. When I was a kid, I was often alone, sad, unseen, and unheard, and I’d maneuvered though most of my life and early 20’s with that same sentiment. Because of that, I harbored a lot of pain and anger. I was repugnant. I hated myself.
And then I was loved. My ex boyfriend loved me relentlessly and instantly. I thought he was crazy. I didn’t know what he saw in me because I didn’t see anything good within myself. But he loved me. SO MUCH. SO HARD. SO FAST. It frightened me. I fought against him because of it and pushed him away for over a year of us being together. When you don’t love yourself and are not used to being loved correctly, when someone comes along that gives you the love you need, you think it’s fake. You think they have ulterior motives. You’re so blinded by your pain you can’t see what’s genuine. Because of this, I was mean…I was angry….I was still a wounded girl… I projected all of my fears and sadness daily. I projected all of the anger I had when I was a kid from being unseen and made to feel as though I didn’t exist (from family primarily). And then he loved me. He saw me. And then he forced me to love myself through his love for me.
For that, I’d give my life for him.
And now I force people to love themselves. I am often a mirror to them…to their scars, their pain, but most importantly, to their beauty. There’s something about once feeling worthless to feeling like a gold mine. The beauty of it, and the beauty of being able to understand both sides of the coin. It makes you feel like you’re floating…like you’re high off of everything beautiful in this world (and the finest of flowers), while still understanding where you‘ve risen from. Growth.
I am so in love with myself. I truly am an outstanding woman. I know God and I only fear Him.
I’m a fucking riot.
My heart is made of gold and it knows no bounds.
I love my existence here. I’m truly having a wonderful time here on Earth. Just being here makes my heart so full. I fall more in love with myself everyday. God smiles when someone speaks my name.
I have so much love to give, and I will continue to give it every single day of my life. To everyone.