So I had started writing this yesterday, and then stopped because I didn’t want to put any more energy into this and lay it to rest, cuz niggas be LYING, but I’ve learned more from the situation than I expected, so I’m definitely going to share.
I met this guy on Instagram back in September. We’ll call him “ZAY”. Zay was fine so I KINDLY followed back, cuz hell yeah. I love me a fine ass nigga. We got to DM’ing very casually and realized we were both local (SCORE!) From the first conversation(s) and his social media appeal, I said “YES, LAWD. Jesus you know I’d been picking the wrong niggas (for me) for YEARS, and this one LOOKING RIGHT.”
This is me: stunned in amazement.
Zay and I continued to chat, everything was cool and been cool. We exchanged numbers and conversed for a short period of time. Two words – GREAT GUY. He appeared to not be a fuckboy and very standup. He was respectful and just a cool ass nigga- no funny business, and that was refreshing because when you’re a fine ass woman, the fuckboys are boundless.
Around the time of exchanging numbers with Zay, I had gotten out of my last relationship a little over a month prior, and I was RUSTY. I realized I really did not know how to talk to men I was attracted to. Pathetic, I know. When my ex and I had gotten together, I was 22, so still very rusty in the dating arena and plus I was a relationship girl so I really only primarily interacted with my significant other(s).
We began to text but I soon noticed that I would get kind of nervous to respond (weird, I know). The result of ending my relationship revealed to me how self-conscious and anxious I was as it pertained to new experiences with men, even platonic ones and because of this, maybe a day or so after texting this potential new friend, I bowed out gracefully and said “Yeahhhh, I’m not even in the mental space to make friends and I didn’t want to just stop responding out of nowhere because that’s childish so Ima just dub this now.” Although I did not owe him an explanation, I do believe out of respect, it’s most important to be transparent first even if it was something as minor as this.
So boom, Zay responds very respectfully and states he understands and it’s cool! How refreshing. Usually NIGGAS NIG and get wild annoying and disrespectful. I wanted to big up his parents for raising such a nice, well-mannered young man.
Literally JUST a few days go by and somehow I end back up in this mans DM’s LMFAO. What is self control? Clearly I didn’t know. He was fine and I couldn’t resist LOL. We kept things cute and playful via DM and although an attraction was clearly there, I’m not one to do the most so we kept it at that.
Days later, a friend of mine who works for this huge organization hits me saying she has two tickets to a pretty well known festival in DC hosted by The Atlantic. She asked me if I wanted to go and I said of course – this was a random Thursday night. She asked me who would be accompanying me and I tried to go through my mental list of niggas, but the thought of them honestly bored me so I decided to hit up Zay.
This would’ve been a great networking opportunity for those in the freelance, creative arts business so I figured “Why not send the oop to someone who could actually possibly benefit from this and not just accompaniment from one of my other niggas” (I’m a “a win for one is a win for all” ass bitch). So I sent out the 👁👁 and inquired within.
I asked him what he was doing that evening and he said he was just doing edits. I asked him if he was free to go to the Festival with me and explained that it could be a great networking opportunity for him and he agreed to go.
Evening rolls around and it’s time for the event. I was shaking in my boots. A bitch was nervous simply because I don’t be going out with niggas because they be weird and crazy, and this was the first time I had put myself out there in this way and asked a nigga to go somewhere with me LOL. I also hadn’t been out on a “date” with someone who wasn’t my ex-boyfriend in some years so, yeah, uh NERVOUS.
So we link – he fine as hell. Even finer in person. Smelled delicious. Looked like Black Jesus – YEE-HEE! We even had on the same scent (Maison Margiela – Jazz Club) and he mentioned it. BITCH. Talk about WET. LMFAO.
The details of the first meeting were nothing to go into great depth about, but it was a very enjoyable experience. Zay and I walked and talked after the event and had a very wholesome first meeting. My main takeaways were that 1. He wasn’t a weirdo 2. I didn’t feel uncomfortable or unsafe and 3. He fine as hell, super well spoken, and extremely charismatic.
A perfect 10/10.
The experience was so enjoyable that we went out two days later. We went dancing. Now, when I go dancing, I be wylin out. I also was running off of Jameson that night, so it was a shit show in the best way. He matched my big goofy ass energy and didn’t appear to be embarrassed when I would go in the middle of the dance floor shaking ass and in my own world.
It was an Afrobeat/Caribbean night at the bar we were at , and he danced right along with me. This was different for me because niggas either 1. Be too cool to dance 2. Just can’t dance and would prefer not to embarrass themselves. FAIR. So because he danced back, I was super duper loving that shit.
It was something like this:
LMAO JK, it was sexy and more like this:
I really love all that wild sexy shit – sue me.
The energy was hot and sexy. If we weren’t standing up, I would’ve probably been J-Smooving his ass, to be honest.
But because we WERE standing, I used him as my human pole.
The night continued on, and the Jameson kicked in so I honestly can’t say I’m sure of all of the intricate details, I just knew we smooched a bit, walked, talked, and went about our way.
The most exhilarating date I’d been on in a long time, to be honest. It was pure fun and he got me excited. To me, Zay was the sexiest nigga I’ve ever met in my life LOL. Not only because he was fine, but I loved the way he carried himself – very righteously.
We continued to play it cool, but there was a clear interest there.
We’d gone out on two dates after that and they were also incredible dates. We had a very interesting rapport with one another and we both appreciated the way we communicated, interacted with one another, and how often we chose to see one another. Ideally, speaking a few times a week and seeing each other maybe once every two weeks was perfect for us both. Because I had recently gotten out of a relationship, I preferred to go out with or talk to someone/men who were busy and didn’t want to be on my line all the time cuz I be annoyed so it honestly was perfect.
As stated, things were very casual, nothing too serious at all, rooted in playful fun, righteousness, and most importantly, respect. Every time we would converse it would always be love – blessings bestowed on the other from both parties, positive affirmations, warmth, just a bunch of feel good shit. It was beautiful; exactly how you would want to interact with a fine ass man. YES.
We would be sure to let the other know we would be going out soon once we both were free to do so, but we never pressed it. It was nice and exactly how I like things.
(Side note: The first time we went out, it was established that we were both single because we had a conversation about it due to me being newly single. Cool. Two single parties, no issues? Great. Now, there was no conversation on exclusivity because he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend and I’m not and wasn’t dating and meeting people to find a boyfriend or husband, I’m dating to better learn and understand myself and what I like and dislike in men SO both of us dating other people at the same time was no issue; however, both of us remaining single during this time was the unspoken agreement because if not it’s uhhh CHEATING).
So this past Saturday night rolls around, and I’m at the Larry June show. I go dolo because at my big age, I prefer the concert experience alone. I’m HYPE. Uncle Larry is one of my favorite rappers out right now, so you can’t tell me shit. I purposely chose to go to the show 100% sober as well so I could take it all in as organically as possible.
It was just me so I was somehow able to maneuver closer to the front. The DJ is mixing and doing an awful job at that, but I digress. I’m swaying back and forth as she plays something ridiculous with bad transitions and I see Zay! I was so excited. I was getting ready to wiggle my way up a little bit and say “WHAT’S GOOOOD,” but .0003 seconds later, I notice a beautiful young woman standing next to him facing him. I say in my head “hmmmmm”. I wasn’t sure if they were together, so I just stood back and observed. As the music continued on, I see her getting extremely close to him and I’m like “ok ok ok ok, this is getting juicy, let me continue to see how they interact.”
So this is me in real time, but replace Westbrook’s sandwich with my iPhone’s group chat – Destiny’s Wild:
I continue to observe their interactions and shit just gets weird. Keep in mind, we’re at a concert – a Hip-Hop concert at that. The most you’d expect to see are two people standing next to one another vibing, enjoying the music, talking, etc. But NOT SIS! She was giving this man a wildly uncomfortable rub down.
It honestly was reminiscent of this – but niggas are standing, of course. Then she proceeds to kiss on his neck and such and I’m like hmmmm – this is different different and most importantly, very weird behavior for a concert setting. Likeeeeee who is doing all of these sensual hand motions on someone to Sheck Wes AND at a concert at that?! MAAAAYBE if the DJ threw on some Luther Vandross it’d be more fitting, but not to the aggressive hip-hip. Shit was wicked. And honestly I was uncomfortable for this young man.
It didn’t make any sense and I’ve never seen anything like it.
There are just certain men in this world who carry themselves in a very particular upstanding way where they will never be out here looking goofy – and goofiness is all I witnessed. NOW, the only way you would be this comfortable with your date wylin like this is if it’s your shorty cuz if it’s your girl, you gon let her do whatever she wants to do. She’s just showing you love and that’s exactly what I witnessed. BIG GIRLFRIEND ENERGY. You not gon be out here, as a single man, looking like the leader of the Goof Troop unless this is your shorty and if it is, I can understand it and even respect it. My intuition and the interaction screamed “this is his shorty” OR “this a shorty that thinks this is her man” and honestly, they’re one in the SAME.
So I’m in my group chat HURT. I really have no ego son, so I will gladly express that I was the Director of the SAD GIRLS CLUB for a moment cuz I really thought he was the most perfect nigga ever and I felt so bamboozled 😭 Got us out here communicating like you a single man you definitely got a whole woman out here who GOTTA think that you’re her man. Pew.
I was in my group chat like this:
JUST DEVASTATED LMAOOO.
In my group chat, one of my homegirls said I should approach him and say something. After seeing his interaction with shorty, I said “Nahhhh, she the captain now.” This is HER man LMAO. I’m not messy and I’m not one to embarrass anybody or stir the pot, so I just took it in and kept it moving. I feel like only big wild childish women who don’t know how to contain themselves would’ve tried to embarrass Zay and/or the young beautiful woman, and that’s never my energy. I move off love and peace exclusively. Plus,
Eventually Uncle Larry came on and shit was poppin. The lovely couple moved closer to the stage, and you know how concerts be, once the artist comes on, everyone slowly begins to push closer to the front, which is exactly what happened to the point where I‘m now standing directly behind her (he was in front of her). WILD. I also didn’t mention above that I saw Zay take a quick glance at me and played it off as if he didn’t see me and for me, that was further proof that – that had to be his girl OR someone who thought that was her man. I even peeped the subtle glances out the peripherals LMAO. Son. It was honestly comedy – unfortunate comedy, but comedy nonetheless.
I enjoyed myself as if I hadn’t seen anything and went about my merry way after the show.
He sent me a DM afterwards off the “Where were you?” and I’m looking at my phone like
I didn’t respond cuz I really felt like he was playing with my intelligence.
I reached out to him about it yesterday because I wanted to know if would say that he’s in a relationship. He said he wasn’t with a lot of fluff. I expected that answer – fair. I’m not one to not believe someone if they have no record of being seedy or untrustworthy because I think everyone is just and moral until they’re not, but my intuition literally said:
On top of my intuition blowing off the charts, my mans was doing a lot of deflecting. It was much of “if you saw me you should’ve said something – I just didn’t see you” blah blah blah. NIGGA so your girl can come after me and then get in your ass afterwards!? No thanks. I value peace over everything else – for both parties. He maintained his stance of singledom and I respectfully deemed it all Fake News and went about my evening, and as did he.
And that was that on that.
To tie all of this back into the title, getting played was amazing. For one, it allowed me to see God working in real time in a way that didn’t cause heartbreak or pain. It allowed me to just peep some shit, take the message, and act accordingly. It also showed me how far I’ve come in my growth and how unproblematic I truly am LOL. I love the fact that I value peace more than anything in my life and my ability to choose to respond, NOT react. Reacting would’ve resulted in me potentially embarrassing all 3 of us, and that just ain’t righteous at all. This also showed me that I really move in love in everything I do – even if I’m upset or shit blindsides me. It was a nice full circle moment.
A bitch gave herself a pat on the back because Old Osa Would’ve. Been. Wylin.
I also have to say that I do still appreciate this man. Although he appeared to do some typical nigga shit, I actually learned a lot from him in that short period of time we spent engaging with one other. It was honestly a really wonderful experience. He helped me learn the kind of qualities I would want my man to have as it pertains to maneuvering out here as a free Black man.
Having just gotten out of a relationship, I was hella rusty. I swore off dating for a long time, but I’m glad we engaged with one another. The most important thing I learned from him are the qualities of a man I could submit to. I learned that I love an extremely confident man. I learned that I love a very outgoing and charismatic man as well. I learned that I love a man that can hold his own anywhere and shine in any room he’s in. I love a man that knows how to converse with women and make them feel beautiful even if he’s not romantically interested in them (in seeing the way he interacted with my female friends). I learned that I love a man that doesn’t want to talk all day long and spend every hour and minute together. I love a man with his own life, who’s in his own world, and just likes to have fun and enjoy his life – peacefully and free of drama.
So in short, it was an interesting experience, and one that I’m grateful for. Safe to say I definitely don’t think there are any more righteous men out here and I’m not going out with nobody anymore LMAO but I better know what I’m looking for whenever I do meet that magical man, and if not this lifetime, the next.